Solving conflicts in the workplace can either strenghten employees friendship or weaken it. It all depends on each individual's personality, level of maturity, and their communication style.
For example, during my first year as a teacher's assistant, I was shocked when I saw one of the special ed teacher's slap a students hand because she was trying to grab her coffee. Although it was against the school's policy to drink hot beverages in the classroom, these teachers often brought coffee into the classroom while the student's were present. Since we were informed about employee's responsibility to report any kind of safety issues, I brought it to my Principal's attention so she could be aware of the situation.
She brought it to the teacher's attention, and the teacher and her aides were not very happy with me. They would joke about it by saying something like "Oh, be careful with that, someone might tell the principal you are drinking coffee in the classroom." I guess the principal must have focused on not bringing hot beverages in the classroom rather than focusing on the child's safety and well being. I mentioned it to her because I was concerned about the child's safety.
I really did not care about whether I was liked or dislike by staff members. I was there to work with the children, and making sure that they are safe in and out of the classroom.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Effective Communication
When it comes to building a good team, there must be good communication among members. As we are working on our group project, we are learning to communicate with each other, and it would not have been possible without Christine's hard work. As our team coordinator, she has been available to answer question and give ideas to help us stay on the same topic. She has also called members to make sure they work on their assigned role.
I have to admit it's difficult to try to build a case without hearing from each other. I personally encountered some problems when the cases were distributed Monday and it was not sent to me. I contacted three members and asked them to forward the case to me. One did not reply, the others said they forward it to me. When I checked and asked the second time, and third time, I was beginning to get frustrated as I was running out of time to work on the case.
I called Aracely and she helped me figure out the reason I was not receiving the cases. Although they were added in my address book, their emails were being sent to my junk mail. When I finally received the case, I submitted my work, and it turns out neither Christine and Matt could open my attachment because it was in Word 2007.
Some of us are trying to get our work done ahead of time, however I have a feeling that we have some procrastinators in our team. I have learned to deal with these kind of conflicts, and I am not getting stressed over this matter. As a DA, I am trying to communicate with my client as much as possible, and hope to create a strong case on his behalf.
I have to admit it's difficult to try to build a case without hearing from each other. I personally encountered some problems when the cases were distributed Monday and it was not sent to me. I contacted three members and asked them to forward the case to me. One did not reply, the others said they forward it to me. When I checked and asked the second time, and third time, I was beginning to get frustrated as I was running out of time to work on the case.
I called Aracely and she helped me figure out the reason I was not receiving the cases. Although they were added in my address book, their emails were being sent to my junk mail. When I finally received the case, I submitted my work, and it turns out neither Christine and Matt could open my attachment because it was in Word 2007.
Some of us are trying to get our work done ahead of time, however I have a feeling that we have some procrastinators in our team. I have learned to deal with these kind of conflicts, and I am not getting stressed over this matter. As a DA, I am trying to communicate with my client as much as possible, and hope to create a strong case on his behalf.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Effective Conflict Resolution Starts in the Preschool Years
In Cho's writing, he said "Teach me how to speak, teach me how to share, teach me where to go, tell me will love be there" (LA Times Magazine, 4/30/07, p 41).
Children need guidance from all the adults in their lives. In order for them to learn how to speak,share, and solve conflicts without resorting to verbal or physical violence, we have to serve as their positive role models.
For example, when a child hits another child, the adult needs to approach both children in a calm manner. Many of the children's behaviors are learned behaviors from home, media, and peers. When no one teaches them how to solve conflicts in a positive way, they grow up thinking that violence is the only way to solve problems.
The best strategies to solve conflict resolutions and violence prevention is to listen without taking any sides. For example, when my preschool students are fighting over a toy, I calmly approach them and become the mediator. Instead of scolding and punishing, I acknowledge the hurt child as well as the aggressor. I listen to both sides of the story, and then I restate what each child says and guide them to solve the problem by asking questions that will lead to an agreement on both sides of the parties. It takes time, but it works. Most of these young children have learned to solve most of their problems without adult assistance. If they are not successful on their own, they know they can always seek an adult for assistance.
As parents, teachers, and members of society, we need to pay more attention to all children. They need adult guidance and intervention so they can learn how to become positive members of our society. Let's not wait for another tragedy to happen.
Children need guidance from all the adults in their lives. In order for them to learn how to speak,share, and solve conflicts without resorting to verbal or physical violence, we have to serve as their positive role models.
For example, when a child hits another child, the adult needs to approach both children in a calm manner. Many of the children's behaviors are learned behaviors from home, media, and peers. When no one teaches them how to solve conflicts in a positive way, they grow up thinking that violence is the only way to solve problems.
The best strategies to solve conflict resolutions and violence prevention is to listen without taking any sides. For example, when my preschool students are fighting over a toy, I calmly approach them and become the mediator. Instead of scolding and punishing, I acknowledge the hurt child as well as the aggressor. I listen to both sides of the story, and then I restate what each child says and guide them to solve the problem by asking questions that will lead to an agreement on both sides of the parties. It takes time, but it works. Most of these young children have learned to solve most of their problems without adult assistance. If they are not successful on their own, they know they can always seek an adult for assistance.
As parents, teachers, and members of society, we need to pay more attention to all children. They need adult guidance and intervention so they can learn how to become positive members of our society. Let's not wait for another tragedy to happen.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
3rd Phone Conversation
During my conversation with Matt, we decided he would be the boss and I would be the part-time employee seeking a better salary.
Emp: "As a reliable, punctual and bilingual customer service representative, I feel that my salary should be more than the other employees."
Boss"All the other employees are reliable and punctual too."
Emp: "I agree, but I speak Spanish and they don't."
Boss: "Being bilingual is valuable for our company. We are getting more Spanish speaking customers."
Matt reviewed my salary, and agreed to pay me an additional dollar per hour as long as I accept to work full time, and supervise two other customer service representatives.
I accepted the offer, and asked for more vacation days since I am going to supervise two other employees. He did not approve it, but he did added five extra sick days. I also told him I would have to leave early two days out of the week since I am taking classes at NU. He said it was not a problem as long as I have someone cover my shift.
Matt was attentive as I explained my problem. Based on our phone conversation, he sounded like he is in his early-to-mid twenties. He appears to be fun and easygoing. There were no interruptions on either sides of the conversation.
Emp: "As a reliable, punctual and bilingual customer service representative, I feel that my salary should be more than the other employees."
Boss"All the other employees are reliable and punctual too."
Emp: "I agree, but I speak Spanish and they don't."
Boss: "Being bilingual is valuable for our company. We are getting more Spanish speaking customers."
Matt reviewed my salary, and agreed to pay me an additional dollar per hour as long as I accept to work full time, and supervise two other customer service representatives.
I accepted the offer, and asked for more vacation days since I am going to supervise two other employees. He did not approve it, but he did added five extra sick days. I also told him I would have to leave early two days out of the week since I am taking classes at NU. He said it was not a problem as long as I have someone cover my shift.
Matt was attentive as I explained my problem. Based on our phone conversation, he sounded like he is in his early-to-mid twenties. He appears to be fun and easygoing. There were no interruptions on either sides of the conversation.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Movie Review: Norma Rae
Trying to create new changes in any situation is not easy. The person presenting a new change must gain the majority of peoples support. It is slow and it is not always guaranted that it is for the best. However, if one person truly believes in it, and they are determined to make it happen, the impossible can become possible.
The main conflict in the movie is about trying to start a union to fight for workers right for better wages and treatment. It did not seemed realistic, since none of the workers were not supportive at all. Determination, persistence and patience finally paid off when courageous Norma Rae decided to get involved and gave up family time to make it happen. She even risked her freedom in order to prove that she was not going to give up without a fight.
If I would have been in Norma Rae's position, I think I would have been supportive, but not brave enough to be willing to go to prison to fight for the people. At least, not when I have a family and children to care for.
Both main characters had good communication skills. They presented their objective and made it clear and simple for the workers and the supervisors. They also allowed potential members to talk about their past experience with the company.
The alternative dispute to end the tension among workers right to form a union was to allow workers to either vote to have a union or not. The final outcome was positive due to one brave person's effort and determination.
The main conflict in the movie is about trying to start a union to fight for workers right for better wages and treatment. It did not seemed realistic, since none of the workers were not supportive at all. Determination, persistence and patience finally paid off when courageous Norma Rae decided to get involved and gave up family time to make it happen. She even risked her freedom in order to prove that she was not going to give up without a fight.
If I would have been in Norma Rae's position, I think I would have been supportive, but not brave enough to be willing to go to prison to fight for the people. At least, not when I have a family and children to care for.
Both main characters had good communication skills. They presented their objective and made it clear and simple for the workers and the supervisors. They also allowed potential members to talk about their past experience with the company.
The alternative dispute to end the tension among workers right to form a union was to allow workers to either vote to have a union or not. The final outcome was positive due to one brave person's effort and determination.
Ch. 4: The Courthouse and Alternative Dispute Resolution
When conflicts arise among people, it is always better to try to solve it in a peaceful and effective manner. When conflicts cannot be solved effectively, it can turn into a big dispute.
In chapter 4, Frank E. A. Saandner uses three concepts to examine disputes and their resolution: the dispute pyramid, the process spectrum, and inside-the court and outside-the-courthouse mechanisms.(pg. 43)
We recently experienced a dispute pyramid at work due to lack of communication among staff members. The principal made the decision to expand our preschool program in order to serve more children and increase the number of students since they have low numbers. Expanding included new room assignment for three classrooms in order to keep them grouped according to grade levels. Two of them were notified about the room changes and one was left out.
The principal, teachers and parents were excited to have more preschool children, yet one teacher refused to move because she had too many things and she was not willing to do it on her own time. She threatened to quit and was going to get the union involved because she thought that it was unfair for her to be asked to move during the school year. Rather than allowing her to go any further, the principal postponed the expansion until September.
Many families were devastated since they were hoping their children were going to have an opportunity to explore the school setting before starting Kindergarten. These parents now have a negative image about teacher’s being selfish and that they should comply to changes since they are supposed to be there for the children.
As I reflect about this matter, I think that some teacher’s were upset about the principal’s decision to expand without consulting the staff. They felt that as a school, they should be included in the decision making process since it affects everyone.
In chapter 4, Frank E. A. Saandner uses three concepts to examine disputes and their resolution: the dispute pyramid, the process spectrum, and inside-the court and outside-the-courthouse mechanisms.(pg. 43)
We recently experienced a dispute pyramid at work due to lack of communication among staff members. The principal made the decision to expand our preschool program in order to serve more children and increase the number of students since they have low numbers. Expanding included new room assignment for three classrooms in order to keep them grouped according to grade levels. Two of them were notified about the room changes and one was left out.
The principal, teachers and parents were excited to have more preschool children, yet one teacher refused to move because she had too many things and she was not willing to do it on her own time. She threatened to quit and was going to get the union involved because she thought that it was unfair for her to be asked to move during the school year. Rather than allowing her to go any further, the principal postponed the expansion until September.
Many families were devastated since they were hoping their children were going to have an opportunity to explore the school setting before starting Kindergarten. These parents now have a negative image about teacher’s being selfish and that they should comply to changes since they are supposed to be there for the children.
As I reflect about this matter, I think that some teacher’s were upset about the principal’s decision to expand without consulting the staff. They felt that as a school, they should be included in the decision making process since it affects everyone.
Friday, April 20, 2007
2nd Phone Conversation
From my point of view, the phone conversation with Vickie went very well. She was friendly, attentive and has good listening skills. She repeated the whole scenario back to me before giving advise as HR Manager.
Scenario: I am a paralegal at a law firm and my boss (lawyer) is verbally abusive. I usually ignore his remarks, until I finally had enough and gave him a piece of my mind. He called me a b**** and all kinds of names in the book. He told me to leave, and I grabbed my things and told him I was not leaving without my final check. The receptionist called the police because she was worried things were going to be out of control. The officers asked him a few questions, and my boss accused me of throwing things around during our argument. The officers looked around and said,"Everything seems to be in place sir, did someone just cleaned up?" He had nothing to say and the officers left without writing a report. I am unemployed and cannot collect unemployment because he told the unemployment office that I quit my job. What can I do in regards to this matter?
HR: It sounds like your going to need a lawyer to represent you. Your boss should not have treated you that way because it is ethically and morally wrong. You need to document the incident and find witnesses. You should also file a report with the Better Business Bureau so this does not happen again. We are going to investigate the problem and will make an attempt to take care of this matter.
Vickie and I discussed some possible solutions to this matter. I told her I could not pay for an attorney since I do not have an incoming income. She said that there is a possibility that the company may pay for the attorney fee, and that I would pay some of the incurring fees if I lose the case. I agreed to that suggestion since I have a pretty strong case.
We discussed about prosecuting attorneys having power to make innocent people lose their cases because the defending attorney is inexperienced or lacks resources.
After our assignment, we had a chance to learn more about each other. Vickie currently has 21 students. Their ages vary from infant to preschool. She hopes to teach Kindergarten when she gets her degree. We exchanged some stories that happen in our classrooms. Vickie politely ended our conversation when my husband got home.
Scenario: I am a paralegal at a law firm and my boss (lawyer) is verbally abusive. I usually ignore his remarks, until I finally had enough and gave him a piece of my mind. He called me a b**** and all kinds of names in the book. He told me to leave, and I grabbed my things and told him I was not leaving without my final check. The receptionist called the police because she was worried things were going to be out of control. The officers asked him a few questions, and my boss accused me of throwing things around during our argument. The officers looked around and said,"Everything seems to be in place sir, did someone just cleaned up?" He had nothing to say and the officers left without writing a report. I am unemployed and cannot collect unemployment because he told the unemployment office that I quit my job. What can I do in regards to this matter?
HR: It sounds like your going to need a lawyer to represent you. Your boss should not have treated you that way because it is ethically and morally wrong. You need to document the incident and find witnesses. You should also file a report with the Better Business Bureau so this does not happen again. We are going to investigate the problem and will make an attempt to take care of this matter.
Vickie and I discussed some possible solutions to this matter. I told her I could not pay for an attorney since I do not have an incoming income. She said that there is a possibility that the company may pay for the attorney fee, and that I would pay some of the incurring fees if I lose the case. I agreed to that suggestion since I have a pretty strong case.
We discussed about prosecuting attorneys having power to make innocent people lose their cases because the defending attorney is inexperienced or lacks resources.
After our assignment, we had a chance to learn more about each other. Vickie currently has 21 students. Their ages vary from infant to preschool. She hopes to teach Kindergarten when she gets her degree. We exchanged some stories that happen in our classrooms. Vickie politely ended our conversation when my husband got home.
Emotional Intelligence Test
My Emotional Intelligence is good yet there is always room for improvement.
"According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is good. People who score like you do feel that they have little trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and those of others. They generally are able to overcome difficulties in their lives and they are able to control their moods in all but the most trying of times. It’s easy for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; this is likely due to an empathetic nature and a clear mind when it comes to offering good advice. "
I am not surprised and do not disagree with the results at all. I do have a good attitude towards life and I am willing to work towards reaching my goals. As I get closer to obtaining my BA, I am setting new ones. My next goal is to get my MA and eventually a PHD in Humanities or Education. Why do I want to do that? I believe that the more classes I take, the more I am able to learn about myself and the people around me.
I have to admit it is not easy to reach certain goals, yet with support and persistence it can be done. The secret is to seek support from caring family members, friends or the community. I know I couldn't have possible fulfilled many of my goals without the support of all the people in my life. Especially my parents, ao, gp, sp, gmp, vr, rs, cs, ad, dp, cm, nt, and jt. My list can go on and on, but I must work on another assignment.
"According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is good. People who score like you do feel that they have little trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and those of others. They generally are able to overcome difficulties in their lives and they are able to control their moods in all but the most trying of times. It’s easy for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; this is likely due to an empathetic nature and a clear mind when it comes to offering good advice. "
I am not surprised and do not disagree with the results at all. I do have a good attitude towards life and I am willing to work towards reaching my goals. As I get closer to obtaining my BA, I am setting new ones. My next goal is to get my MA and eventually a PHD in Humanities or Education. Why do I want to do that? I believe that the more classes I take, the more I am able to learn about myself and the people around me.
I have to admit it is not easy to reach certain goals, yet with support and persistence it can be done. The secret is to seek support from caring family members, friends or the community. I know I couldn't have possible fulfilled many of my goals without the support of all the people in my life. Especially my parents, ao, gp, sp, gmp, vr, rs, cs, ad, dp, cm, nt, and jt. My list can go on and on, but I must work on another assignment.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
(Ch. 3) Facilitated Collaborative Problem Solving and Process Management
Is it really better to adopt the collaborative problem solving approach? For starters, it sounds like a good idea becasue the parties involved are in a win-win situation and they both get what they want.
Is it practical and how much does it cost? According to David Straus, "It takes time, energy, and money to make collaborative processes work. People will believe that you are serious when resources are commited. A large-scale collaborative planning process can easily cost $200,000 a year and require the commitment of a full-time process manager or executive director". (p. 37) With all honesty, even if large companies commit to such plans, it can be a total waste of money if people are not willing to change and try the new approach.
As a teacher in a large school district, the school has hired specialists in behavior management to teach us about positive ways to handle children with major behavioral problems in the classroom. Although the techniques are effective, it does not always work because some teacher's are not willing to even try it. They complain and say that it is easier said than done because the specialists do not have twenty or thirty students in the classroom.
Is it practical and how much does it cost? According to David Straus, "It takes time, energy, and money to make collaborative processes work. People will believe that you are serious when resources are commited. A large-scale collaborative planning process can easily cost $200,000 a year and require the commitment of a full-time process manager or executive director". (p. 37) With all honesty, even if large companies commit to such plans, it can be a total waste of money if people are not willing to change and try the new approach.
As a teacher in a large school district, the school has hired specialists in behavior management to teach us about positive ways to handle children with major behavioral problems in the classroom. Although the techniques are effective, it does not always work because some teacher's are not willing to even try it. They complain and say that it is easier said than done because the specialists do not have twenty or thirty students in the classroom.
(Ch. 2) The Neutral Analyst: Helping Parties to Reach Better Solutions
In most conflicts, it is definitely a good idea to try to solve it immediately before it gets out of control. In some cases though, it is better to include a neutral analyst (aka mediator or an arbitrator) if the conflict is too much to handle or it has escalated. When a neutral third party intervenes, it is much easier for them to analyze the real problem and come up with the best solution without taking any sides. The analyst must certainly gain each parties trust so they can confide in him or her to make the right decision for such parties. I believe that if there is no trust, it is hard to follow another person's adives.
In my experience in the classroom, most parents follow my advise towards the middle of the school year in regards to special referrals to meet their child's special need when they see that I truly care for their child and they trust that it is in the best interest of the child. It is hopeless to even bring up the topic sooner because they usually object to it. I learned that the hard way when a referred a child during the second week of school because it was obvious that the child definitely needed more one-on-one assistance. The parent got very defensive and accused me of discriminating against her child because I had not given him enough time to adjust.
I had to respect her decision and by the end of the year she realized that I was right and wanted me to put in a referral but it was too late. We had one month left and it usually takes about 60 days to get such services. My lesson for that year: Gain parent's trust, and allow at least a month and if possible get a neutral third party analyst.
In my experience in the classroom, most parents follow my advise towards the middle of the school year in regards to special referrals to meet their child's special need when they see that I truly care for their child and they trust that it is in the best interest of the child. It is hopeless to even bring up the topic sooner because they usually object to it. I learned that the hard way when a referred a child during the second week of school because it was obvious that the child definitely needed more one-on-one assistance. The parent got very defensive and accused me of discriminating against her child because I had not given him enough time to adjust.
I had to respect her decision and by the end of the year she realized that I was right and wanted me to put in a referral but it was too late. We had one month left and it usually takes about 60 days to get such services. My lesson for that year: Gain parent's trust, and allow at least a month and if possible get a neutral third party analyst.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
2nd Phone Conversation
During my phone conversation with Lidia, I learned that she lives in San Diego, CA and is majoring in Child Development. She is happily married and is currently supervising 5 sites as a Childcare Coordinator at the YMCA. She enjoys working with children and works in a predominantly Hispanic community.
Lidia worked her way up to her current position and the conflict that she has encountered is that some of her fellow co-workers do not take her seriously because she was part of the group. Some staff members are too busy talking on their cell phone during work hours and are not interacting with the children or implementing their lesson plan. We discussed about having a general meeting to review the guidelines regarding cell phone use and the teacher's role in the classroom or on the playground. If that does not solve the problem, then she should give a verbal warning and the last choice is to write them up.
I really enjoyed talking to Lidia and I was able to identified with her in many ways. We are bilingual Latinas striving to obtain our BA's and working towards the same goal--to encourage and motivate children to do their best.
Lidia worked her way up to her current position and the conflict that she has encountered is that some of her fellow co-workers do not take her seriously because she was part of the group. Some staff members are too busy talking on their cell phone during work hours and are not interacting with the children or implementing their lesson plan. We discussed about having a general meeting to review the guidelines regarding cell phone use and the teacher's role in the classroom or on the playground. If that does not solve the problem, then she should give a verbal warning and the last choice is to write them up.
I really enjoyed talking to Lidia and I was able to identified with her in many ways. We are bilingual Latinas striving to obtain our BA's and working towards the same goal--to encourage and motivate children to do their best.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Problem Solving Exercise
Veronica and I had a great time talking over the phone. Our whole conversation was mainly focused on learning how to blog successfully. We were guiding each other and since this is all new to both of us, it was kind of like a blind leading another blind. Through Dr. Davenport's guidance and both of our ideas and inputs we have finally created our own blog page. Veronica and I make a good team and we are thinking of getting together to work on another assignment.
Throughout our conversation, we learned that we are both High I's and that we are always surrounded by people (Especially when are on the phone and our kids are trying to get our attention).
Throughout our conversation, we learned that we are both High I's and that we are always surrounded by people (Especially when are on the phone and our kids are trying to get our attention).
Assessment Results
DISC Assessment
I am totally an I and I totally agree with it. I am optimistic and outgoing. I like being around people and share new ideas because I believe that we have so much to learn from each other. My motto: "The more the merrier". My husband is totally the opposite of me and it can sometimes be problematic because he believes that less is better.
TAPT
According to the TAPT test I am an extrovert, senser, feeler, and a judger. I
do enjoy being around people. Come to think of it, I have never dine out alone because I always have my spouse, a friend, sibling or one of my children with me. I am big on chart and graphs and I always strive for harmony. I usually have my to do list in order to feel that I have accomplished something for the day.
I am totally an I and I totally agree with it. I am optimistic and outgoing. I like being around people and share new ideas because I believe that we have so much to learn from each other. My motto: "The more the merrier". My husband is totally the opposite of me and it can sometimes be problematic because he believes that less is better.
TAPT
According to the TAPT test I am an extrovert, senser, feeler, and a judger. I
do enjoy being around people. Come to think of it, I have never dine out alone because I always have my spouse, a friend, sibling or one of my children with me. I am big on chart and graphs and I always strive for harmony. I usually have my to do list in order to feel that I have accomplished something for the day.
Effective Negotiation (Ch. 1)
According to Hall, when it comes to negotiations and trying to figure out who is more powerful can be risky because the powerful person can become too confident and relaxed while the powerless one can be too discouraged and not even attempt to negotiate effectively. "The best rule of thumb is to be optimistic--to let your reach exceed your grasp.Without wasting a lot of resources on hopeless causes, recognize that many things are worth trying for even if you may not succeed. The more you try for, the more you are likely to get. Studies of negotiation consistently show a strong correlation between aspiration and result. Within reason, it pays to think positively"(p. 5).
Effective negotiation can either apply at work or in personal relationships. Most conflicts and negotiation can either strengthen or weaken the relationship among people. The way we handle such conflicts can determine the end result of most relationships. By talking and actively listening to each other, we can attempt to work on the real problem rather than focusing on who is always right or wrong.
Effective negotiation can either apply at work or in personal relationships. Most conflicts and negotiation can either strengthen or weaken the relationship among people. The way we handle such conflicts can determine the end result of most relationships. By talking and actively listening to each other, we can attempt to work on the real problem rather than focusing on who is always right or wrong.
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